|
i always get emotional when viewing people's blog
all my hidden feelings were out.
FOR THE NWSP PROJECT THAT SOME OF MY FRIENDS ARE HAVING NOW,
i can really see the hard work that they put in
staying in school till the moon is out almost everyday
there's joy and laughter, of course
the process is really fun, working with nice team mates
everyone encouraging everyone to hang on there and dont give up
and germany is waiting for them.
FOR THE SYF COMPETITION THAT IS FINALLY OVER,
all the results are out
there's joy and sadness in all our hearts; the participants' heart
everything is over now
i had alot things to say,
but i just have the difficulty in expressing out
just keep the spirits high, people
we'll acheive better next time
my 1st and last syf for fuhua, i had put in my best.
FOR THE MID-YEAR EXAMINATIONS THAT IS APPROACHING,
i can see strugglings here and there
most of the friends around me are working really hard
i read a compre yesterday
the compre mentioned,
“ 假若你在书的本身没有找到乐趣，根本就不够资格谈读书。
你为考试或文凭而读书吗？考试以后，文凭到了手后，你将怎么办？”
when i saw this 2 sentence,
i repeatedly read it for alot of times
it really made sense.
it made me think..
am i finding joy in studying?
no, im struggling very hard.. struggling for nothing, i realised.
i tried very hard for my maths, for my chem, for my physics.
why am i struggling?
i broke down when i study, when i do my homework.
why am i so stressed?
what is it for?
anyone tell me the answer?
for my future?
what's my future?
what will i become next time?
anyone knows?
maybe i will die the next day
no one can predict the future
when i really close my eyes and say goodbye to this world,
what had i enjoyed?
what had i acheived?
even if next time i get a good job,
is it really what i want?
i had seen alot of people, they're just working for money
there're no passion involved.
will i be one of them next time?
then im no difference as a robot, isnt it?
im just studying for the sake of it, working just to keep myself alive.
at this point of time, im shedding tears.
why am i shedding tears?
why?
people said i should just accept what is given to me and stop asking why
should i?
i dont know, and i dont want to.
i seen everyone working hard.
for the teachers who are rushing the syllabus now,
why do you want the students to do well?
is it purely sincere that their own sake?
or for yours?
明争暗斗。
在斗什么？
为什么要斗？
我累了，我不不想斗了，我想退出这场斗争。。
但我能吗？
不， 我永远都不能退出，就算我不愿意， 我还是得继续。。一直到我死的那一刻。
人生，就是那么的无奈。
i started my day with a surprise and end it with another one(:
finally can put my chi oral aside lerh.
im so glad.
MYE is the next one.
i'll work hard,
for people who care for me and for myself.
there had been alot of ants on my study table lately
mainly because i always put food there=X
my new passport photo is still so..
i looked pale in it.
suan lerh luh.
things seemed to went well for today(:
had eng oral retest early in the morning
MsWong seemed to be nicer than last fri
i keep mixing up MrUnderhill with MissRobinson for the reading =X
sure to fair badly for that
and for the conversation, i cant express my feelings out well
i cant explain why music can make the world more civilised -.-
and i said coping as cooping =X
her ears were good, anyway-to be able to spot my mistakes
she said i had good thinkings and mindset anyway(:
PE, i played captain's ball until i cannot take it
i was sweating like hell?!
quite few people played, so i had to run alot
but it was fun, seriously(:
humans, i was surprised by my class test results, seriously
i was just aiming for a pass, cause i didnt managed to finish my paper
wrote just 1 page for the second qn?
got an a1, and i want to credit not only myself, but also two people-edison and cheena
they were the ones helping me to memorise the notes last min before the test cause i didnt study
they were the ones doing all sorts of funny stuffs to help me get what's written in the notes into my brain
for eg. drawing all sorts of funny(but ugly?) pictures on my paper
& asking me (stupid) qns and doing weird body signs to help me memorise
i really thank them, sincerely
if not for them, i would surely flunk my test
edison gave me an high five for that today(:
physics, this person named MissTan came in in relief for MrLoh today
she's quite hyper man
had mock test
im really not sure how well i did for it):
didnt had lunch today.
MissTan wants to have the lesson at 1.45pm
the factor theorem really confused me):
went to ask MissTan about it and graph after dismissal
she had to repeat the whole reminder theorem and factor theorem just for me
im a failure, esp in maths ):
junren and aijing thinks that im an idiot for asking so many stupid qns
i also felt that i am too..sometimes.
haiz.
had that tiny choir celebration in hall after that
there's only MissChua and MissTan
we had a chocolate each
MissChua said we'll have a proper celebration after MYE
that means i have to passed the MYE barrier 1st, haiz
it seemed so difficult
did homework with eleanor till 6.30pm
we had ALOT to talk about today
talk until i only did 5qns of maths for 2+hrs?
we had fun talking anyway, haha:D
hope tmr will be a better day?
although i think today was good enough..im contented with these.
wednesday would be bad..i predict
goodluck for the chi dance and CO syf tmr anyway(:
had to get a decent passport photo before friday for my ic card
and top up my ezlink card, just in case?
have to visit popular to buy some stationeries, they're running out at great speed =X
i opened a private blog.
one that only i can read
sounds stupid to you?
i really need a place to let my true feelings out
i had always been keeping everything inside my tiny brain
but now, i realised that i cant take it anymore
that's too much to think and i'll be having depression if this continues
i bet everyone has something that they dont want others to know, including their best friends
im just a ordinary girl, i have alot of things in mind that i cant and dont want to express out
if you tell people your true feelings, you will have alot to consider
how people will feel about you if you tell them your true feelings?
will they just tell others like nobody's business?
i shall just tell my private blog from now on
and pour everything, my happiness and sorrows to it
it will never betray me (i think?)
my attempt to finish all my homework by this weekend seems to fail, again
i still have..
1 eng formal writing (i forgot the format)
1 chi compo (i dunno what type of compo the teacher wants)
1 chem ws (alot qns dunno how to do)
chi oral topics preparations [there're 8 topics (!)]
1 ss testing reliability qn (i dont even understand the source -.-)
46 mcqs on physics lens (i dunno how to answer almost all the qns)
i just hope that i can finish my eng formal writing by today?
just anyhow write a format and start the content
if format wrong then i'll redo then
since it will only have to be handed up on tues
surprisingly, i finished my maths homework, with all the qns completed
have the sense of accomplishment man! but maybe the ans are all wrong =X
going have dinner.
bye(:
i still had not recover from my coughing):
MsTan was like, "you better see a doctor." cause i was furiously coughing when she's teaching me
i kept quiet. i should tell her, "i had seen 5 doctors already."
which is true. i(or rather my mum) spent $200+ and visited 5 doctors
my mc for 3 days isnt for slacking okay.
im seriously sick.
and the two guys beside me treated me like i have aids
they cover their mouth and was like, "get away from me!" -.-
but im glad that they always help me, esp in maths(:
im trying to develop the water bucket spirit (lol!)
fyi, the spirit is to drink alot of water everyday
cause i always look as if im dehydrating
anyway drinking water is good for health(:
my physic really cannot make it lerh
for the physic test i took yst, more than half the paper i dunno how to do
other people the paper was okay
MrLoh keep giving hints during the test but i just dont get it
i dont want to fail this subj no matter how much i dislike it
maybe i should consult MrLoh another day again
i hope that i can catch up with my chem
i think i missed alot cause i last week didnt have the chance to have any chem lessons at all
i dont want my chem to have the same fate as physic
"the role of science in building a better world"
i really dont have any idea on how to write it.
but i must hand in on monday
actually it should be handed up on fri
but i havent even started.
can some ideas just drop from the sky?
i hope i understand the skill of testing reliability for ss
i missed the whole lot of it when i was absent
it's the only humanities i have
i cant afford to flunk it, please.
i want to work hard for my results
but i seemed to lost the spirit
im feeling so lost and scared now
scared of studying, seriously.
but i dont have an alternative.
i start to wonder, whether i had regretted my choice.
am i really fit to be a science student? am i?
where should i stand?
where should my place be?
my mood these few days was really wasnt good.
alot of stuffs caused that.
got scolded by mswong early in the morning yst for not reporting that i havent took my eng oral
and she was very very very very sacastic(?)
im going to flunk my oral for that for sure
went to see mstan after that and cleared my doubts for both my maths after so long
quite relieved but there are still other subj which im not sure of what the teacher is teaching
have quite a number of homework this weekend
but quite a number is last tiem de homeworkthat i owe teacher
i must finish by this weekend!!
the feeling of owing homework really sucks
and today's weather is really warm=X
mid year exam coming
i really isnt confident of getting a satisfying results, looking at my state now
haiz..
congrats choir for getting GOLD(:
it was very very unexpected, like seriously
i stared at my hp for 1 min when i got the msg
after so many auditions that freaked us out, our hard work paid off(:
less than 10mins on stage, i really enjoy the moment
that 10 mins, i thought of alot of stuffs
images of practices, auditions, performances flashed across,
we had come so far, just for the 10 mins
everyone is looking at us, the atmosphere is stern, but im not scared
i didnt even make the effort to think what im supposed to think when singing the songs
-- it just came to me when i start singing
i enjoy and love singing, and i had never regretted.
today is the sixth day i had not step into fuhua zz
that means that i had been on mc for 3 three days
going back tmr anyway, since im feeling better now
at least better than the last few days
i had skipped like 5 tests? about there.
and im supposed to have my eng oral today
too sick to go
im still feeling wobbly =X
attempting to do some of my homework now
had not touch them since.. last thurs
there are dozen =O
i know it's impossible to finish them by tmr
i'll try.
there must be alot stuffs so me to do tmr when i get back to school
im afraid of the stress..like so many days never go back liao
haiz
i still have to face the fact.
jiayou(:
syf coming on thurs
i want to sing, like seriously
make my dream come true~
|
| |