Don’t Be In A Relationship Unless
You’re Ready To Give It Your All
MAR. 13, 2014
Whenever
Finals week rolls around, life is grim. Clearly the solution to not wanting to
study is for me to aggressively send snapchats to everyone documenting my angst
of not wanting to do work. Granted I’m probably a bit more sensitive and
irritable than I am in a normal week, my recent epiphany materialized when I
started becoming very irritated with the quality of responses that my boyfriend
was giving to my snaps. He sent me a picture of a postcard I had sent him and
circled a word that he couldn’t read. He then sent a follow-up to this a few
hours later telling me how he was vexed all day about what the word said. I
texted back telling him to send me a picture when he got the chance and I would
figure it out. He then responded with a “well… I really don’t care which is why
I didn’t bother figuring it out.”
This was
the first domino of my irritability, but the apex of my irritation was my
realization that I was telling him about how stressed and frustrated I was
feeling because of my essays, yet the only responses he was giving me were
random snaps of heavy books and orchestra stands. I told him that I was having
a really rough day and wanted to talk and he responded with saying that he was
excited to make my friends third wheel this week when I saw him.
I should
concede first, that for all I know, he could be having a really rough time
right now and simply not want to talk about. As a result, maybe he is
externally projecting so he doesn’t have to deal with his problem. But when I
started to tell someone this story amongst many other similar ones, I began to
realize how dysfunctional a relationship this really is.
The one
thing that I’ve always admired amongst successful couples that I know is their
ability to completely be there for each other. At times, some of my friends
will completely drop off the face of the earth if their loved one is going
through something serious and difficult. This could be misconstrued as a
negative trait, but I actually think it takes a tremendous sense of maturity to
fully give oneself to someone and to emotionally be there for them.
How do we
know when we have this ability? I believe that we can’t reach that level until
we have cultivated a degree of self where we are finally able to fully love
someone else and learn to put ourselves on hold. But how do we learn to put
ourselves on hold for someone else? Is it a matter of how much we love someone?
Or is there a threshold that we need to hit personally before we can learn to
fully give ourselves? And just as a caveat, you don’t need to always fully put
yourself on hold for someone else, but I do think that in certain situations,
you need to have the ability to at least temporarily pause yourself.
When your
significant other tells you that they’re having a rough time and wants to talk,
you should talk to them. Hopefully they won’t have to beg you about wanting to
talk and you’ll just know. But in the event that we can’t all be good people
readers, I would hope that if someone tells you that they’re having a rough
time, you would be able offer your time and a listening ear.
Oddly
enough, although I am irritated, my main takeaway is the notion that we
shouldn’t enter into a relationship unless we are fully ready to give it our
all. Because when we’re not giving it our all, we are being unfair to our
partners. It’s not fair if they’re giving it their all and constantly being
there if we can’t reciprocate. And if we can’t reciprocate, we need to own up
and either grow up, or leave.
I feel like people end up falling in love with the lust associated
with a relationship and this relief of not being “forever alone.” We love the
idea of being able to say and hear things like “I miss you” and “I love you” to
someone, but we don’t understand that the real foundation of a relationship is
not so glamorous. In our haste to simply be with someone, we neglect to
actually be with them. What is a relationship if you aren’t
ready to commit and give yourself? I don’t think one needs to completely
discard their sense of autonomy in a relationship — after all, the
people we choose to date should complement us, not complete us. But I do think
that we need to take on the responsibility and remember that we are holding
someone else’s hearts in our hands.
We may not be able to solve our significant other’s problems, but
the least we can do is fully be there and try. Because at the end of the day,
giving it all doesn’t have the power of fixing everything, but it does have the
power of letting someone know that someone will be there when things aren’t
okay.
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Have always thought that if we truly love the other half, we will automatically be ready to commit and give yourself.
So I actually disagree with the author's view that we must get ourselves ready and be prepared for relationships. We will be willing to give all out once we fall beautifully in love. They will kind of come together, don't they?
最近开始觉得，再理智的人，碰到爱情，都会变成。。傻瓜。